Dude, wtf... Did you just probe me?

As kids, my parents brought me and my siblings up to be somewhat open minded and to never worry about criticism in being true to what we might want to believe in. They taught us that being different, or unique, was absolutely fine as it is always better than 'being a sheep and following the flock' That was one of my dad's favourite sayings... most of the time he'd say it after I'd moan that I had Rola Cola for school when all the cool kids had proper hardcore Coca Cola. Nevertheless, I took what he said to heart and I finally accepted that it was a-okay to be different. My dad has always been confident in what his beliefs are, no matter how far fetched they seemed at the time but it wasn't until my mom passed away 2 years ago that he kinda took this to a whole new level.

Poppa bear has become fascinated by Aliens and pretty much anything that David Icke has written or said. He's actually the person who got me watching Controversial TV so I blame him for my fucked up disaster scenarios I build in my head about 21.12.2012. The shock of my mom dying was intense, for us all, and I think it is the reason why my dad has immersed himself in the Alien hype. I'm not saying I dont believe in ET, never say never right? but it's hard to imagine that if it is so, why aren't these dudes hanging out with us, shooting tequila, and freaking us the fuck out by asking to play I Spy with their humongous, fucked up cyclops eye?

I've started to watch a series called Ancient Aliens. Basically it's a documentary exploring the possibility that, what ancient texts depict as Gods emerging from the sky were infact Aliens. I wont go into detail but they go down the avenues exploring how such wonders like The Great Pyramid of Giza were built and how it wouldn't have been possible, back then, for man to have built it alone and so the only viable explanation is that ETs descended and helped build shit. One of life's great mysteries and how cool would it be to be able to find out just how these wonders of the world were created IF we could just ask some Alien dude. It's a nice fucking story, but it got me thinking, if I could ask an Alien just one question, bearing in mind that these dudes are supposed to be the Lorekeepers of the World, what the fuck would my question be?

This morning over coffee after I'd finished abusing Michelle's Iphone by consistently asking 'How does it look for penis tonight?' I asked the girls the very question I'd asked myself. If you met an Alien, and you can ask just one thing, what would it be? Most of their ideas were infact penis related, and it jogged my memory of a further Alien type programme I had watched wherein a handful of people speak of their sexual encounters with Alien life forms. I shit you not, these people truly believe that aliens come down, from the sky, in some mother fuckin bad ass spaceship just to bang the crap outta them. Now, I'm not one to judge or take the piss out of someone but... really? wtf? One chick was so sure and so serious about her liasons she went into graphic details which left nothing to the imagination. And I ask myself, if such beings existed, I can only assume that they are perfectionists of the Highest Order. They know all and see all. Why the fuck, would some Stavros Alien, travel million of light years, frequently, to come and lay out this 50 something, bobbly legging wearing, sweaty, facial haired, droopy titted monstrosity of a woman? This chick was a beast. I smell BS. Coz if I was such Alien, I'm damn sure I'd be probing Angie Jolie, not the likes of Jerry Springer guests.

I can't decide on a suitable, serious question to ask an Alien. So I'm gonna roll with...

Tentacle sex. Is that shit real, and where can we get it? 

That's my question, no way did a normal person come up with that twisted, warped, fucked up, disgusting freakingly awesome shit alone, without Alien intervention.

I'm out.

Raven xoxo