Scared shitless.... more please??

What is it, about being scared shitless, that we all love? Obviously, I'm not talking about our every day lives, but more films or roleplay scenarios. All the crazy fucked up ideas you see in films being methodically and graphically played out infront of you in the name of entertainment conjured up by some strange, unstable and normally paedo looking Director *Tarantino springs to mind, but he is God of movies so we'll let it go*. I'm a bugger for watching horrors, thrillers and some films that I can only categorize as *superbly sick and fucked up*. In the latter category I have films like Human Centipede I & II, Itchi the Killer and pretty much any Freddie Krueger stuff. Freddie haunts me tenfold. Even now, when I'm all grown up, I still can't face him. Over the last few years I have tried to confront my fear of Krueger, and my last attempt caused me to mow down an old geezer.

Surviving 2012..... A chick's guide...

I really really need to stop watching Controversial TV. It's taking over my life as I know it. Most days whilst mooching about I'm generally thinking about mundane tasks i.e. bill paying, chores, waxing etc but lately I find myself considering how I'm going to survive 21.12.12.

Ordinarily I'm a pro-active girl. I pride myself in adhering to the 5 P's. Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance. But how does one prepare for what the Mayan calendar sugguests? How does one prepare for a prediction of.... ''Yeah well, sommat's gonna happen, we just don't know what it is yet'' In light of my worries, I decided to broach the subject with my GF's this morning over coffee.

I'll err.... just get my coat?

Every morning, weekday, after my closest friends and I have dropped the children at school, we go to a little old lazy Spanish place called Salvadors in a miniscule village where we live. Every day, our orders are the same. Sombre for me and my chicas (in English that'll be coffee made with hot milk) and 2 descafenado's (wtf, weird de-caf shit) for two of our 'Circle of Trust'. Such Circle comprises of 5 of us. And we are all entirely different. You'd be forgiven, looking at this unit of 5, for thinking that we are well dressed and spoken mommas' that hold some wierd Tupperware and Avon parties but take it down to brass tacks and we are seriously not on that radar. We turn up at every parent/teacher occasion there is, and also at every footie match our kids play in. Now ok, we may be English hooligans at the sports gatherings (Afterall, every true Brit  loves nothing more than winning at something, pulling our shirt over our heads thus impairing our vision and running in a zig zag formation, shouting *who are ya? who are ya?*  but I like to think that we bring some ...... pride, some ettiquete and class to our community. That was... until..... today....... 

Eric, Eric... Where art thou? ....

Well, it's been a shitty last week. I haven't felt too great and to top it all off, my baby boy has been missing for 7 days. Alright, calm down, I don't mean an actual baby boy. I'm referring to my cat. One of my cats, I have five. Now before ya'll go thinking I'm some bat shit crazy, piss smelling chick that cat calls in the night you can think again. I actually own just two of them. The other three are..... hangers on?!

Sweet Innocent Sucker!

GDI it's chilly today, ok so it's like mebbe 21 degrees but for me, that's farkin cold. (I'm staring dreamily at my lovely summer dresses as I type this wishing for my hot sunshine to come) that's gonna take forever so for now I guess I carry on freezing my tits off and sounding like I have some unique speech impediment due to uncontrollable teeth chatter.

So my sister is pregnant, bun in the oven, up the duff. Exciting news but if I'm being honest, it's a damn scary prospect. Although she's 25, and educated to a reasonable standard, she just lacks common sense and pretty much believes anything she is told. Picture a chick version of the Milky Bar kid and you have my sister. Let me take you through some of the most radical things I have made her believe over our sibling years.... you'll see where I'm coming from then!!!

Monday mumblings....

Monday evening and I'm just about recovered from the weekend which, infact, turned out pretty good. Friday night was full of the usual, beers, tequilas, drinking and the obligatory moonwalking which us chicks like to do when wasted in killer heels of course! Was fun times all over, even more so due to the fact that Dani and I insisted on singing 80's anthems just for the cheese factor. Oh, and the shoes? They worked out just fine, more than fine even, they looked yummy yummerson!!! and my feet didn't even bleed lol.

Zut Alors....!!

Well spank my ass and call me Nancy!!!! Friday the 13th, generally considered by most as a day of bad omens but low and behold.... my freakin shoes are here!! and they fit all snug, and nice and yummy and they smell so good.... I think I love them so :)

Anyways, it's Friday and I love Fridays. This evening I will be donning the abovementioned hooker shoes and will most likely sing to them whilst I'm completely wasted with my buddy Dani. I only get to hang with her once a week since we both have demanding schedules... she works and well I.. um I write here and I spy on neighbours (new digs have a wicked ass vantage point for spying/stalking ... whichever term you choose to use) I keep abreast with world news, and am currently in training, serious training I hasten to add, to see how many Cadbury Creme Eggs I can fit in my mouth at once. Yep Easter next, my favourite of all holidays because you see those creme eggs everywhere and I am an addict which is odd really, seeing that I'm not a huge fan of chocolate. I wouldn't say I have a healthy diet, I eat what I like when I like and I'm a skinny bitch. I'm under no illusions that when I hit my 40's, I'll probably be trying to squeeze my sorry ass into some size 20 'mom jeans' but until such time I'm going to enjoy the looks of incredulousness from peoples faces when I order huge meat orientated dishes at restaurants with generous helpings of full fat side orders with a proper beer to wash it all down. I defo ain't some 'I'll have a salad *bat eyelashes* kinda girl. I have needs :)

The girl who's shoes evade her....

Wasn't gonna write today but I have a serious shoe issue that just needs addressing.  I love shoes, what chick doesn't? I wouldn't say I own a stupid amount of shoes, I'm just particular about which I buy and wear. They don't have to be designer, just.... different. A pair for each occasion is good enough for me. And whilst I think about this shoes situation it occurs to me how we adopt a different walk, as chicks, for each different pair. Take my trainers for example, when I wear those I'm feelin' all sporty and limber so I walk with a springy step! My New Rocks, in those I walk with attitude that says... ''Dude, rly? You talkin' to me?. Pretty sandals with girlie flowers, they give me the grace and innocence walk and finally, my hooker shoes, they... well you get the picture?....

Finally...

Yep yep, finally I have a place to jot down and share the ridiculous, fun and slightly entertaining aspects of my life. It's took some time I must say, constantly nagging at the man in my life to create me this blog thing but part of that is my own fault with my constant ''err, can we swap this picture for that, and can you type in this font, oh wait, I want a totally different colour and picture'' .... yeah, drove him nuts, infact, if I ever use the words ''computer.... broken..... don't worry..... I fixed it... BSoD'' in the same sentence, it's quite apparent the twisted, contorted look of pain that crosses his face. He swears blind I have some metal plate in my head that just breaks shit as I wonderously glide by.. Bill Gates I am not. I know only how to play MMO's, abuse people's walls on Facebook and scan porn, all other pc skills are deemed a waste in my eyes. However, watching retards hurt themselves on Youtube, that's kinda growing on me...