Eric, Eric... Where art thou? ....

Well, it's been a shitty last week. I haven't felt too great and to top it all off, my baby boy has been missing for 7 days. Alright, calm down, I don't mean an actual baby boy. I'm referring to my cat. One of my cats, I have five. Now before ya'll go thinking I'm some bat shit crazy, piss smelling chick that cat calls in the night you can think again. I actually own just two of them. The other three are..... hangers on?!

 

Now, Eric... let me tell you why I am so concerned about his AWOL. Firstly, he's still got his man balls, yep, I didn't wanna get them cut off since he keeps most strays away from our home. It was for the best since I am partial to cats and take pity so easily. He loves his balls. True damn story. I've never known a cat to actually purr in sheer delight whilst he's cleaning them. It makes my friends gag, I just adore him for it. He gives killer hugs, but almost certainly he will engineer these cuddles and his positioning so his balls are touching something, he doesn't care what either. I find these such cute traits. He's enormous Eric. The fattest, laziest damn cat you'll ever meet with the worst possible gas you can imagine. He defiantly sits in the road even when cars are oncoming. He doesn't give a fuck. Period. Above it all, he's probably the most handsome cat I've ever seen. And now, he's left his momma and I'm sad as hell without him. I hope hes home soon. 

Anyway, in light of Eric's disappearance, Dani and I paid hommage (is hommage two m's? w/e) to him. Friday night we met up as usual for our drunken antics and dressed accordingly. Dan purchased a new dress to make Eric's Memorial night special and we drank, fuckin Jager's kill me:/, in his honour. Wasted by 11pm, home by 2am. Not bad. Zero hangover the next morning too, bonus :)

So we have this gardener. He's an old dude and owns a wheelbarrow so he's gotta be experienced. He potters around and tends to shit and we don't talk. It's wierd. He doesn't come on specific days which pisses me off. I'm a creature of habit. I do things in an order and I like routine which I know is just fail but it's who I am. So, as I was saying, he doesn't come on the same days. Anyway, picture this. Off my lounge is a glass conservatory that overlooks my front garden and the sea. The garden has nice big green bushes that helps keep my privacy so I kinda like having them there. I get up Friday morning, trundle downstairs to get the kettle on and the kids' brekkie ready, bleary eyed I pull back the curtains. Fuck me I can see alot more than I did yesterday I think to me'sen. Now my eyesight is pretty shit but I'm thinking, shit, it's brighter. I go get my glasses and look again. WHERE THE FCK ARE MY BUSHES DUDE? Gone. Finito, Boom!! There's a shrub. One measly shrub. Wtf is a shrub? I'm not convinced I'm seeing right so I draw the curtains and think a sec. I fling them open again, and yeah no bushes. Wtf? Did some weird shit go down last night whilst I slept? Half my garden has disappeared overnight, it's like 7am, how can this be? ''Hola'' little Spanish dude yells as he pops up from his pruning underneath my window, scared the fuckin shit outta me. I'm aghast! I'm so shocked. I run quickly through my mind whether I did actually get out of bed this morning or was this a dream and I'm gonna wake soon? Stood there in my tartan PJ's and serious cavegirl hair I realise, sadly, that no, this is not some dream and little Diego here is coppin an eyefull.

Now I can't do air guitar with my vacuum whilst I'm supposed to be doing chores since the whole damn world can see straight in now. Fml. It's those little things that make chores bearable.

Oh and btw, Star Wars still rawks :)

Love is Love

Raven xoxo