Every morning, weekday, after my closest friends and I have dropped the children at school, we go to a little old lazy Spanish place called Salvadors in a miniscule village where we live. Every day, our orders are the same. Sombre for me and my chicas (in English that'll be coffee made with hot milk) and 2 descafenado's (wtf, weird de-caf shit) for two of our 'Circle of Trust'. Such Circle comprises of 5 of us. And we are all entirely different. You'd be forgiven, looking at this unit of 5, for thinking that we are well dressed and spoken mommas' that hold some wierd Tupperware and Avon parties but take it down to brass tacks and we are seriously not on that radar. We turn up at every parent/teacher occasion there is, and also at every footie match our kids play in. Now ok, we may be English hooligans at the sports gatherings (Afterall, every true Brit loves nothing more than winning at something, pulling our shirt over our heads thus impairing our vision and running in a zig zag formation, shouting *who are ya? who are ya?* but I like to think that we bring some ...... pride, some ettiquete and class to our community. That was... until..... today.......
I'm a sucker for a man in uniform. Sucker. The Circle of Trust are also suckers. So each day at 9am and 2pm our prayers are answered. The 'Local Police' aided crossing at the school gates is where we get our kicks. It's a time and place that we actually rarely engage in conversation. We have knowing looks that say 'I sooo know what you're thinking coz GDI bitch I thought of it first'! A bit of cop in the line of duty does it for us. So strong is my feeling on this issue, and so true to my words right now..... I married one. A cop.
They quite clearly have a school patrol rota and so over the years us moms have built up somewhat of a rapport with them and we're all on first name terms. They've even come out drinking with us on occasion and although each of us wear oversized sunglasses to hide the effect of over-worked, stressed and tired morning crack eyes, they just have to know that we do ogle :)
So yeah, this morning. New cop. New cop on the block. Not a bad 'morning spirit lifter' and so, there we sit on our bench (we truly believe we own this bench, woe betide if some jackass sits on it) and like a squad of frickin meerkats we huddle together, intermittently craning our necks to get a better glimpse and proceed to discuss New Cop's attributes. To be fair, he has a few and not so disimilar from my other half. It doesn't take long for the conversation to turn slutty. Michelle is the first to lower the tone of this convo, and me being a good Christian girl tries to deflect this smutty talk..... lol ok yeah w/e, I jumped straight in as per usual. I won't go into graphic details.... but it's gonna be a long time til any of us can set foot in a Church now.
After discussing, in a detailed manner, the acts in which we would enforce with such cop if we all weren't married, we all sat quietly for a moment and sighed, contented smiles all around. The bench is situated no more than 2 metres infront of where the cops stand patrolling. We've never worried about what we say since we know only 1 of them speaks English, so we're totally safe to say what the hell we like. Well, make that 2 freakin cops that can speak English. Yep, New Cop heard it all, every dirty last detail.... How do we know? Maybe the fact that before he left, he casually turned around, smiled and said ''You ladies have a great day now''. Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph. Now I don't get embarrassed often, if ever. I'm always really confident in what I say but jfc, did my cheeks just go ablaze? I look over to Michelle, then the rest of the crew, baby beetroot red cheeks on every gobsmacked face. Oh the shame, it burnt, IT BURNT! Just don't know how I'm gonna feel about all of this the next time the poor dude has to face us, I'm shaking my head now as I write this, why can't we just keep our mouths shut sometimes?
You see guys, you're not the only ones that can band together, say dirty smutty things about the chicks around whilst rubbing your crotches and making some rabid grunting sound effects, us chicks, well we do that too. Only better. Sometimes there are consequences, as proved here, but be mindful that the respectful looking moms at the school gates are most definitely NOT discussing Avon or how to starch collars, we're actually discussing what would have been possibly your demise in another lifetime.
Have a nice day now...
Raven xoxo
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