So, it's no secret to those around me, except for my Poppa Bear, that for some 5 years I worked professionally as a stripper/lap/pole dancer. Working every weekend in the clubs, coupled with my 'normal' working week' as a legal secretary my life was insanely hectic for most of those 5 years. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband that took on almost 80% of the running of the house and child rearing whilst working flat out with Police shifts which enabled for this kind of rat race lifestyle.
I loved that job, truly. It was incredibly hard work both physicaly and mentally, couple that with the competition of other girls working and it's a job that can totally break you if you don't have a thick skin but it is one of the most liberating jobs for a person to have. Gone are most of the crack joints now and replaced with somewhat nice, subtle gentlemen's clubs. It's what the industry needed to be honest.
Now, I've done my fair share of stag parties and hen parties believe it or not, and now is the time for my best friend's hen party, and as the Matron of Honour I get to arrange the whole thing. One thing I just can't decide on... do I get her a stripper? I can see the allure from a guy's perspective, a hawt chick writhing around all over him but really, can a muscular beefy guy really dance... sexy? I've tried to picture it in my head and I just shiver. It just turns me off so bad. I don't know whether thats because beefy muscle toned guys really really don't do it for me, throw in some nerdy geeky looking dude and I might perk up abit, but the whole scene that unfolds in my head is just cringeworthy.
I have to admit though, the thought of some huge dude's ass, all oiled up, grinding at her face just makes me piss myself, I'm smiling now as I see the 'I'm so gonna fuck you up' look she'd be giving me, but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Should I swallow the bile just for some kicks that'll make FB? or do I grow up a bit and spend the hundred euro it would cost on Jagers?
And just saying I do book the stripper, there is absolutely, undeniably, no freaking way I can guarantee his safety. Generally speaking and from my personal experience, guys do adhere to the rules and don't touch, you might have to once in a while remind them of this but they're actually pretty much well behaved. But girls? That's a different fuckin story altogether. They're lethal. They're animals. They're gang rapists. Seriously they do not believe that such rules apply to them because they are chicks. Like their gender omits them from this rule. I can't even hazard a guess how my GF's would behave in this scenario. Would they be fun loving but maintain some decorum or will they be brazened hussies fuelled by Tequilas? More importantly, which will I be? I just do not know. But for some reason, I envisage some comical scene wherein the dude is fleeing our villa after only being there for 3 minutes, screaming for help and something about 'crazy bitches' and running in speedos donning a pink feather boa around his neck.
This is a dilemma.
Will she feel let down and robbed of her last chance for some gropage if I don't get her one? Or will she be grateful that I helped her keep some dignity?
Anyway, couldn't find a suitable pic to post here as they all made me feel sick so here's one for the lads...
Laters :)
Raven xoxo
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